The Line Of Division

Now at some point there needs to be a division of these two people who are battling for supremecy inside my mind. I don't want to get rid of the little girl - she is who Holly actually is. She's the one who has no barriers and lets people see how she feels, she can cry, she feels real things. When things are euphoric, it's she who is getting over excited and wants to jump up and down. It's her who wants to twirl around and dance to her favorite music. But she's a bit afraid of everyone and has pnly just learnt to peep around the door frame and talk quietly to a few people. She's even let a couple of them see when she cries.

Then there's the other me. She's the one that people call Hols. She can't be Holly - Holly is innocent and naive. Hols sees the world as it really is. She's the confident one - the one everyone thinks can handle anything. She's the one that people see and reckon that she's uber intelligent and no matter what she does, of course she'll succeed. Other people see her, I've not really met her yet except to use her as a shield.

And yet there are bits of her that I'm starting to get to know. She's also the one who just occasionally confuses herself as Jessica Rabbit and feels incredibley sexy. She's the one who just occasionally really enjoys flaunting her bits, then just when I'm baring all runs and hides leaving me to deal with the fact that my 'actual' figure is on display.

There are parts of both of them that I like and other parts I think I'd rather hide. Neither of them are really me though. They are parts of me. What I feel is null. I feel like I meet these two in passing and I react to how they feel, instead of feeling myself.