What a miserable git I must have appeared last week. Consider myself kicked ;)
Pain continues to be a bit of a focal point in daily life atm, however the light at the end of the tunnel is not another train! I have thumbed my nose at the NHS and it's apparent incapability to book an urgent appointment within the same fiscal year and swallowed all my pride and gone private. Lets face it I'd rather have no pride (or cash) and function! So physio begins on Thursday along with an epidural injection which promises to give me mobility, or at the least some pain relief!!
But what of other things? I have been catching up on a fellow blogger's entries having stayed offline for the weekend. There's something about reading this particular person's entries that makes me more determined to be positive. Maybe I should accept that as a general rule I just don't like people and the few I do like are the more important ones. Seeing DP in absolute turmoil this weekend was painful - I'd planned to spend a quiet evening cwtched up to DH maybe with a large bit of chocolate cake between us. Except I received a call from DP, with the female situation in his life, I saw the same pain resonating from him as I felt when DH and I had our blip. My only possible reaction was to invite him here, and despite giving up an evening of cwtching, I don't regret it, being able to just be somewhere he can run to is worth a lot. Sounds weird doesn't it? I know he ends up being the butt of many jokes, but deep down I have an affection for DP that runs very deep. He's an unusual man in the fact that he wears his heart on his sleeve and it's a refreshing change from most of the world. He brings out my maternal side and I feel the need to protect him from the rest of our group of friends when they start being mean. Perhaps what they don't realize is that his self esteem sucks - it ought not to (ok ok pot noir) - he's had crappy luck, but when he meets someone they're going to be bloody lucky.
On another positive note, we worked out seeing DF & DM again. We'd been saying we wanted to spend a weekend away together as just us somewhere near our anniversary (this means swallowing the parental guilt and abandoning the short people with my parents) and looks like we're going to. Last time we went away I did the ridiculous panic thing over my job and tainted it. This time we're going to spend time together with additional people to poke me into submission if I attempt to fret lol. So many reasons for biting the bullet, DH needs a break, he really does, and without the kids he can chill out without being on constant alert and maybe even sleep! I may release on here, but maybe what people don't see is that he has just as many self confidence issues, just not as apparent. I think perhaps what I don't tell him enough is that he really is a wonderful father and the perfect husband - any non-superhuman would have flipped living with me and the kids by now!
Pain continues to be a bit of a focal point in daily life atm, however the light at the end of the tunnel is not another train! I have thumbed my nose at the NHS and it's apparent incapability to book an urgent appointment within the same fiscal year and swallowed all my pride and gone private. Lets face it I'd rather have no pride (or cash) and function! So physio begins on Thursday along with an epidural injection which promises to give me mobility, or at the least some pain relief!!
But what of other things? I have been catching up on a fellow blogger's entries having stayed offline for the weekend. There's something about reading this particular person's entries that makes me more determined to be positive. Maybe I should accept that as a general rule I just don't like people and the few I do like are the more important ones. Seeing DP in absolute turmoil this weekend was painful - I'd planned to spend a quiet evening cwtched up to DH maybe with a large bit of chocolate cake between us. Except I received a call from DP, with the female situation in his life, I saw the same pain resonating from him as I felt when DH and I had our blip. My only possible reaction was to invite him here, and despite giving up an evening of cwtching, I don't regret it, being able to just be somewhere he can run to is worth a lot. Sounds weird doesn't it? I know he ends up being the butt of many jokes, but deep down I have an affection for DP that runs very deep. He's an unusual man in the fact that he wears his heart on his sleeve and it's a refreshing change from most of the world. He brings out my maternal side and I feel the need to protect him from the rest of our group of friends when they start being mean. Perhaps what they don't realize is that his self esteem sucks - it ought not to (ok ok pot noir) - he's had crappy luck, but when he meets someone they're going to be bloody lucky.
On another positive note, we worked out seeing DF & DM again. We'd been saying we wanted to spend a weekend away together as just us somewhere near our anniversary (this means swallowing the parental guilt and abandoning the short people with my parents) and looks like we're going to. Last time we went away I did the ridiculous panic thing over my job and tainted it. This time we're going to spend time together with additional people to poke me into submission if I attempt to fret lol. So many reasons for biting the bullet, DH needs a break, he really does, and without the kids he can chill out without being on constant alert and maybe even sleep! I may release on here, but maybe what people don't see is that he has just as many self confidence issues, just not as apparent. I think perhaps what I don't tell him enough is that he really is a wonderful father and the perfect husband - any non-superhuman would have flipped living with me and the kids by now!
I read a friend's blog earlier and came up with a very strange comparison. She worries herself with the idea that she worries about those around her too much. Considering our shared faith, I would have thought that acknowledging the needs of those around you even if you don't like them or have no idea who they are is an intrinsic part of life. Maybe I am one of these mysterious 'people' too wrapped up in their own lives to notice others. Maybe I am and don't know it. Except I am aware that I'm sensitive to outside influence which is a slightly turned viewpoint on the same theme - since being a little more open, I'm aware I'm far more easily offended and hurt. I take things personally, I worry myself sick that I've upset people or on occasion people say offhand things that I take totally to heart and react emotionally to - I am aware these are the actions of an insane person (or a child), but surely it's better to feel and 
gradually learn to deal with these little wounds rather than be bereft of all feeling forever? So to those who sometimes engage their mouth before their brain expect tears, I have an emotional L plate on.
gradually learn to deal with these little wounds rather than be bereft of all feeling forever? So to those who sometimes engage their mouth before their brain expect tears, I have an emotional L plate on.
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