Life Is Flamable

Sometimes I forget when putting up all these decorations that nothing lasts forever. In my happy little shiny place, in my continuation of warding off the dark I began to light candles. These little lights of sparkly happiness shone so bright that I forgot that I was in the hole.

Except in my enthusiasm to enjoy every minute of the bright shininess of being in love (if we're calling a spade a spade here, that's what it is) I forgot quite how easily the misplacement of just one candle can in minutes burn down all the decorations I've adorned the hole with. And now because I was an unthinking tit, the decorations are gone and I'm standing in the middle of my hole looking at the mess I created. In case anyone still reads this: I'm sorry. There's loads more I want to say, but not on here

Post-Facebook: There is loads more I want to say, I don't know how to say it. I don't want to reply with all of this because in the end it's just self-absorbed ranting. Here perhaps is the test of whether or not I should have gone through all of this soul searching. I can hold a light for other people, but on my own it's dark no matter what people may think. Life is full of what if's. And now, having opened my heart, in a second I've managed to hurt the people who hold it. And now it's open no matter how much I scrabble I can't seem to get back behind the wall that protected me from this for so long. Unedited truth: here I am, desperately trying to choke back tears that I can't seem to stop because I can't make myself stop feeling and I fear that my lights have gone away and I'm going to be left here alone in the dark. I was a fool for hoping the cloud would last. I should have learn't my lesson the last time cloud 9 evaporated.

Epilogue: Scrap that - I'm a muppet. Others joined me in muppetry. Although I should thank the one non-muppet involved here.