Odi et amo, quare id facere forasse requiris...Nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior

Translation: I hated and I love, perhaps you ask why I do it...I don't know, but I feel it and I'm tortured



It's fitting, and not as negative as it suggests. To feel deeply is a new experience, I am experiencing a greater depth of feeling now I have banished many of the demons and while the passionate side brings great leaps forward in terms of my feelings for others, it has also allowed me to experience the other passionate side of me which is an occasional all consuming self destruct button.



To accept that one cannot be present without the other has been and is a struggle. Although less so than many weeks ago.

Tonight I find myself left alone to my own devices as DH and DP dissapear to their manly activities at the gym (I'll admit mild jealously here in my motionless state grrr). What to do? A bath means I'll get stuck, the TV holds little interest, and WoW, while holding my attention requires time sat at the PC which frankly hurts! So instead I shall imagine my ideal - I wish to be curled up around a good book under a blanket while snuggled up to and having my hair stroked and hand held. Simple things to please a complicated woman.