Erm...

Alright time for a post - the last one was a bit of a moment. Except momentS reverberate for a while. I was enjoying being up on the cloud, it's meant to have a bungee rope (what goes down must come up), except I think I forgot to attach the hook to my belt. I'll float back up when the subject is dead and buried I guess. Now, just how to do that.... I guess the time has come to do the express the anger thing, not just over the blip but the stuff that isn't coming out.

I guess I'm taking inspiration from another blogger here, but his rant was rather talented whereas I think mine may in fact just be abusive! Read no further without a stiff drink:

So in no particular order to those people around me, the kids, people I meet, people I know and other randoms:

Why can't you actually say what it is that you mean rather than smile and nod then get all defensive when I carry on? What am I a fucking mind reader? Instead I'm becoming oversensitive and constantly paranoid that I've done or am about to do something wrong. This has to stop, I've lived this life before.

I'm NOT a people person, following me around talking at me incessantly is likely to make my head spin. Can you people not understand I have personal space??? ....... And talking of personal space, when the lights are out, don't come in - I just can't be happy and bubbly all the time, it's just not me. Sometimes I'm busy screaming at people inside my head, if I don't do it silently I may very well go postal, you want to be first? Do you? Huh?

Just because we slept together does not necessarily mean I want to add you on facebook or for that matter ever talk to you again. Perhaps some things are best forgotten eh?

You know what? I still have some things that are actually mine and that you haven't broken yet. Stay the hell away from them. And while we're at it, stay out of the bedroom. And no, you can't have a glass of water now.

Talking of breaking things. It's not fucking acceptable just because you are having a bad day. Do you see me chucking stuff around? No. Get a grip.

Maybe I just want to talk about nothing. But perhaps just perhaps, me saying 'I'm fine ta' means 'for Christ sake give me a hand out of this hole'.

Why must you insist I take it easy then bombard me with requests for decisions. It's the decisions that make me bloody stressed in the first place!

If I state an opinion, then it's MY opinion, you might think it's wrong, but an opinion isn't a statement of facts is it? I might think you're an arse, and I may be right, but it's still my opinion!

When I say something or ask you to do something, for crying out loud, just for once in your life just fucking listen to me! Yes you. If I have to tell you repeatedly for an hour or more, this may indicate that you're not listening, or I'm not getting my point across - I've asked you nicely, how else would you like me to make myself clear? Ad Campaign? Marching Band? A Big Fucking Stick?

Was wasting 6 years of my life not enough for you? Instead you must continue to stalk me like a demented nutcase!? Go find yourself some other poor bastard to upset because YOU DON'T SCARE ME!

No - when I say it, it's the final word. No is a negative it means cease and desist, pack it in, not going to happen. It's not up for discussion, I don't need a reason. It's NO.

When you are sad, it's ok to rant at great length as many times as you want. I'd rather hear the truth than some sugar coated don't upset Holly version or worse nothing said at all.

IF YOU LOSE YOUR DUMMY, DON'T YELL AT ME BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FIND IT!



Oooh get me with my anger issues. So what did that solve? Bugger all really except to make me worry that some people might read this and take it to heart and perhaps highlight that I do get angry, just not to people. That and I have a remarkable ability to swear via keyboard (rather shocked at myself with the language there!). Well that sucks.....

There are moments I think I shouldn't have passed the parent test. Maybe I'm like my mother. Perhaps sometimes I'm just too selfish to give up my life to be mummy. For their sake I need to learn some composure and tolerance. They don't see the frustration outwardly, I learnt that much from my mum. But I worry that they pick up on me being miserable and useless. My only up side is DH and at least they get to see how a relationship should be. They do see affection and DH and I talk, we don't shout at each other. They'll never sit in their room and cry while their parents tear into each other. I just need to work out how to show them how to be happy (and maybe whinge a little less).

Oh and because I worry, for a certain person, the only one applicable to you is the penultimate one :)