Sometimes it takes a step back to realise things aren't that bad. It's doing no-one any good to worry about every little detail. I started a neurotic line this morning, worrying that my contact with DF is particularly frequent and perhaps she'd like me to sod off occasionally, but doesn't say because she's nice.... This thought has now been banished. Not because I'm not worried about it, but because I'm embracing my ability to force myself not to think about things. I'm not going to ask her (because that just seems weird and needy) so therefore I'm just going to stop thinking about it.
While it's important not to shove things under the carpet only to trip over them later, it's also important to let yourself go. When you go underneath all the layers, ultimately there's a small child in there looking for it's basic needs to be met. Children are natural adapters and when in the crappiest of situations, they seem to find a way to cope and still be children.
I've been making a mental list of all the things I want to do that I would have done as a child that make me feel wonderful but I possibly wouldn't do them now under the guise of 'dignity' or 'self consciousness' or 'being a mum - and that's not what mums do' (now in reality there have been a few things recently that may not fall into this category, I'm putting this down to me embracing my 'me-ness' again rather than playing mummy all the time, that and hedonism).
This was my first step into this - keeping a blog (.net version of my diary lol) and letting select others in (I actually mentioned it to DC today - it would appear that when working on gut instinct, apart from DF, she's going to be the only one I trust with this - I think the only reason I didn't before was that I was worried she'd find it all a bit much. Weirdly I just knew DF was the right person to tell initially, I don't know why, but gut instinct proved right and she was amazing about it all, still is. As it was, today may have been the right decision. DC is now doing the same about her latent issues - maybe I'm not just here to save myself.)
Singing - ok I do this a fair bit anyway, but with the right song, I can actually feel myself breathe deeper and my whole self get lighter. It works best when I sing at the top of my lungs with no self consciousness (think driving to work....). This goes for more playing of the guitar and piano - these things are not just there to dust weekly and I get such focus from it.
Playing Games - I'm not sure WoW counts here. I'm talking sitting around with people playing a game where conversation flows and people giggle at the ones getting far too picky about roles - playing monopoly and selling your sought after road to DH for a snog... it's simple fun and there's not enough of that.
Dancing - there's times when I just feel like dancing with the kids, or on my own for that fact. It's only the reserved side of me that stops me. So bugger it, I'm going to! (once my hips allow lol)
While it's important not to shove things under the carpet only to trip over them later, it's also important to let yourself go. When you go underneath all the layers, ultimately there's a small child in there looking for it's basic needs to be met. Children are natural adapters and when in the crappiest of situations, they seem to find a way to cope and still be children.
I've been making a mental list of all the things I want to do that I would have done as a child that make me feel wonderful but I possibly wouldn't do them now under the guise of 'dignity' or 'self consciousness' or 'being a mum - and that's not what mums do' (now in reality there have been a few things recently that may not fall into this category, I'm putting this down to me embracing my 'me-ness' again rather than playing mummy all the time, that and hedonism).
This was my first step into this - keeping a blog (.net version of my diary lol) and letting select others in (I actually mentioned it to DC today - it would appear that when working on gut instinct, apart from DF, she's going to be the only one I trust with this - I think the only reason I didn't before was that I was worried she'd find it all a bit much. Weirdly I just knew DF was the right person to tell initially, I don't know why, but gut instinct proved right and she was amazing about it all, still is. As it was, today may have been the right decision. DC is now doing the same about her latent issues - maybe I'm not just here to save myself.)
Singing - ok I do this a fair bit anyway, but with the right song, I can actually feel myself breathe deeper and my whole self get lighter. It works best when I sing at the top of my lungs with no self consciousness (think driving to work....). This goes for more playing of the guitar and piano - these things are not just there to dust weekly and I get such focus from it.
Playing Games - I'm not sure WoW counts here. I'm talking sitting around with people playing a game where conversation flows and people giggle at the ones getting far too picky about roles - playing monopoly and selling your sought after road to DH for a snog... it's simple fun and there's not enough of that.
Dancing - there's times when I just feel like dancing with the kids, or on my own for that fact. It's only the reserved side of me that stops me. So bugger it, I'm going to! (once my hips allow lol)
No comments:
Post a Comment