So, I've had a lot of time to think down in the hole. Sometimes when DH sees me down here I start to fiddle about with the straps holding on the mask, but over the weekend, I took it off and waved at him from the depths of the bottom of the hole. He tried reaching down to pull me out, but right now I'm a bit far away and if he tries to reach too far down, then he'll fall in too - and if we're both down here, lets be honest, then we're both fucked.
Instead, I asked him to help me out with a bit of stability. With all the monsters from Pandora's box stalking around me, I've accepted that perhaps instead of climbing a pole, I could do with a stanner down here. That comes in the form of trying out some chemical assistance. Nothing massive, but these little mini chill pills appear to prevent me from investigating the tunnels under the hole or shooting out of it into the sky.
So what of the little girl? What happens to her when my mind is quietened forcefully? She's still there - she's not so scared, still not ready to face the big wide world, but this calm acts like a blanket around her, letting her rest instead of running all the time. The black cloud is still there, but the rain isn't so important when you've got an umbrella.
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