So, I've shown this blog to three people so far. One is of course DH and the other two, well they know who they are. What I have not done is opened up like this nor told people this is here to either family (no chance!) or the majorty of my close friends. The assumption would be that the first people I would confide in would be my close friends - one specifically who has been around forever would perhaps once been the person I may have confided in. Except there was something holding me back and I didn't know what -this weekend confirmed my gut instinct was right. It's a complicated situation, and because of highly strung people there's no point in protesting about the situation, it'll just cause friction between people (and these people needs no aditional friction!).
This person, who shall be named DT knows a great deal about my life (though technically nothing that's been put down here). After a long and complicated shift in cliques who mingle and who don't (and frankly I'm happy on the outskirts having as little involvement as possible), it's ended up that DT is dating my Dad's closest friend. This possibly be weirder than I find it, but there's never been an issue until now. Yes, I've been put into akward situations where I'm told stuff that my parents aren't and they dig and I have to attempt to dig myself out of a hole. I can deal with this, until DT and my Dad start discussing my life and pasing judgement. My parents have never requested to be let in and therefore never have, and I don't want other people altering the image I've worked hard to maintain. Now written down that sounds like a emo-type teenage rant - but actually, the fact that my Dad then took me to one side to discuss her 'concerns' just felt like a breach of trust and they were ridiculous little things anyway. Plus I'm nearly bloody 30 and am perfectly capable of runing a house, holding down a job and bringing up my children. I feel like standing up and shouting "let's see you maintain a relationship, get a degree and a decent job with two toddlers in tow." - I am aware that's slightly childish (understatement), and thus why it is written here and I am outwardly maintaining my dignity and the peace.
I think my point is that having confirmed to myself that I was right not to trust most of those close to me with what's behind the mental wall, I feel a bit disconnected. So that's one more brick in the wall keeping people out.
This person, who shall be named DT knows a great deal about my life (though technically nothing that's been put down here). After a long and complicated shift in cliques who mingle and who don't (and frankly I'm happy on the outskirts having as little involvement as possible), it's ended up that DT is dating my Dad's closest friend. This possibly be weirder than I find it, but there's never been an issue until now. Yes, I've been put into akward situations where I'm told stuff that my parents aren't and they dig and I have to attempt to dig myself out of a hole. I can deal with this, until DT and my Dad start discussing my life and pasing judgement. My parents have never requested to be let in and therefore never have, and I don't want other people altering the image I've worked hard to maintain. Now written down that sounds like a emo-type teenage rant - but actually, the fact that my Dad then took me to one side to discuss her 'concerns' just felt like a breach of trust and they were ridiculous little things anyway. Plus I'm nearly bloody 30 and am perfectly capable of runing a house, holding down a job and bringing up my children. I feel like standing up and shouting "let's see you maintain a relationship, get a degree and a decent job with two toddlers in tow." - I am aware that's slightly childish (understatement), and thus why it is written here and I am outwardly maintaining my dignity and the peace.
I think my point is that having confirmed to myself that I was right not to trust most of those close to me with what's behind the mental wall, I feel a bit disconnected. So that's one more brick in the wall keeping people out.
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