To Blog Or Not To Blog

I got a bit deep last week. I was having a bit of a dip and I'm not sure I could figure out why.

And yet, today with the rain lashing down outside, my hips aching and the kids ignoring every word I utter, it's not all that bad. I've been rather productive - online shopping done and being delivered later, washing is underway and I've even cleared up the kids room and the hall. DT is coming over in a bit to help me continue with the war against mess, although I'll admit to actually wanting to have a hermit day. I have little interest in the goings on of that group of people at the moment. It's all high drama and cliques - not my thing.

We threw out loads of stuff over the weekend and parts of my house actually resemble something near organisation. I'm attempting a tidy session then shrinking into a corner to wince. Sad, but effective.

And what of the crazy? Actually the moment of sad appears to just be lingering in the background. Not as the old style fury and mass self-destruct that it once was, but as a background lull into apathy. I've become rather insular over the past week or so, slipping into this familiar routine of addressing the things under my nose and becoming forcefully blissfully unaware of everything else. Happiness entails a tidy house, peace at work, a warm bed, love and cuddles. Everything else is pretty much by the by. Credit crunch? Meh, things go in cycles, what goes down will eventually come back up. US President? Well that was rather fun to watch from afar, but the tv show is over now. Mass global terrorism? It's horrific, but there's nothing I can do, and worrying about it won't help.

As a plan it does seem like a good idea, but while I've been insulating, I've also cut out a few people from the head stuff ~ it's not that I want to, instead it's that the apathy has taken a new form and instead of feeling intensely, I feel very little. I have become blank, excepting a few moments. Having let everything fly into the ether, I embraced being a princess. It was great and for a while there I was the highest and lightest I've ever been. Except being a princess isn't viable when in fact fairytales don't exist. I know people may find it sad that accepting life just isn't based on fantasy, but it's not. Life in general is grinding your way through the daily tasks with a reward of a hug at the end of the day to keep you fighting tomorrow. Reality is that life just is. Yes, I'll always dream of being a princess, but dreams are just that unless you're in a disney film. I've accepted reality, and I'll take those moments of love and comfort as an added bonus.